That was the quote of the night last night as Jennifer and I played some Labyrinth Lord. We started on the classic Tom Moldvay module, The Lost City, which I had to make a few adjustments to in order to accomodate just one PC and a companion (Jen controls both her PC and the companion). Jen wanted to make sure she actually was playing D&D, so it took a minute for me to convince her LL was basically D&D in disguise.

As I told Sham, I liked his idea of a 10 stat line for character abilities, so that’s what we did for her first character and her loyal companion. Jen rolled 3d6 in order ten times, sixty rolls (and seemed to have quite a bit of fun doing it), and generated some pretty interesting stat lines overall.

Here they are, in the order of STR, DEX, CON, INT, WIS, CHA.

1. 11, 8, 7, 14, 12, 8
2. 10, 10, 9, 9, 7, 9
3. 7, 13, 6, 13, 15, 9
4. 9, 10, 13, 12, 9, 12
5. 11, 13, 9, 10, 15, 10
6. 10, 12, 9, 7, 16, 10
7. 9, 9, 4, 10, 8, 11
8. 12, 13, 14, 10, 15, 9
9. 9, 12, 13, 9, 10, 11
10. 17, 12, 9, 9, 8, 11

(Another house rule I should give a nod to is Robert Fisher’s injury table, which I’m also using, in addition to a couple more house rules of my own.)

Jen spent a bit of time trying to decide which stat line to use for her character and her loyal pal. She definitely understood that she could just choose the best stats available, but that it was entirely possible for them to get killed off in the first five minutes of the adventure if things went south. Ultimately, she went with a pretty decent line for her character (# 5) and one of the less than stellar ones for her partner in crime (# 2, who stat-wise is maybe even a little worse than Mortis the Mundane).

Here are the two characters Jen came up with. I should point out I’m not doing automatic max hit points at first level, but she rolled for HP in front of my eyes and legitimately got the highest roll possible for each (she also did pretty decent with her money rolls for each character).

John Masterson, Lawful Cleric (1st level)
STR: 11, DEX: 13, CON: 9, INT: 10, WIS: 15, CHA: 10
HP: 6, AC: 4 (studded leather armor, shield, dex bonus)
Weapons: quarterstaff and sling

Agnar Locksmiter, Neutral Dwarf (1st level)
STR: 10, DEX: 10, CON: 9, INT: 9, WIS: 7, CHA: 9
HP: 8, AC: 6 (studded leather armor)
Weapons: battle axe and shortbow

Jen provided some background on her character — John comes from a wealthy family of former slave owners, and is seen as something of a disgrace to his family because he has dedicated his life to the worship of a god of charity. A sort of white sheep amongst a bunch of black sheep, so to speak. Agnar meanwhile, is just a simple bodyguard. We kept his story intentionally simple (maybe because we expected his quick death?).

John started his journey from the mining town of Drakesford (I got to use my map I ranted about earlier), joining a desert caravan heading across the treacherous Jarra Desert. The cleric was going on something of a pilgrimage to the city of Anguran on the other side of the desert in order to secure some charitable donations for his presumably stuggling church. Agnar was simply hired muscle for the trade caravan, employed to protect the lucrative merchandise.

Unfortunately, the caravan marched straight into a wicked sandstorm a couple of days into the journey. John and Agnar became separated from their companions, and by the time the storm had passed and they could see clearly again, the desert was completely unrecognizable. They wandered in the direction they thought the caravan was heading, but failed to pick up the trail again. Days passed, and the two companions soon ran out of food and water. A couple of days after the last of the water ran out, the two stumbled upon the ruins of a city, half covered in sand. In the center of the city was a grand step pyramid, with three huge statues on the top tier, a bearded man carrying a balance in one hand and a lightning bolt in the other, a winged child with two snakes twined around his body carrying a wand in one hand and a bag of coins in the other, and a beautiful woman with a sheaf of wheat in one hand and a sword in the other.

Finding no source of food or water around the ruins, the pair of adventurers decided to climb the pyramid and investigate. At the top tier they found a secret door leading inside of the top tier propped open by the dead body of a hobgoblin with a crossbow bolt sticking out of it’s chest. John checked the body for a wineskin or any provisions, but the corpse had been stripped of anything useful. As they milled about in the entranceway, the pair noticed a crossbow sticking out of a niche in the wall about thirty feet away. The hobgoblin had activated the crossbow trap by stepping on a hidden pressure plate that John and Agnar failed to spot. Maybe she was uncertain if there was another bolt or trap waiting for her characters, but Jen decided to have John and Agnar crawl towards the crossbow to get a good look at it. I thought it was amusing, but at the same time, at least she knows to be cautious.

While the two heroes were crawling on the floor, they noted several sets of bootprints in the thin layer of sand along the passageway.

Discovering that the crossbow was no threat to them, John and Agnar turned their attention to a doorway to the north. Carefully opening it, they discovered a room with three huge bronze cylinders with bronze doorhandles on each of them. John theorized that the cylinders were connected to the large statues above them. Agnar checked out the central tube first, opening the door to discover a fair amount of dried blood and a ladder leading both up and down. Closing it for the time being, Agnar decided to check out the tube on the right. As he opened the door, he sprung a dart trap. Amazingly, all FOUR darts MISSED (not that I was rooting for him to die or anything, but I could not believe the shitty rolls I made for the darts behind the screen). Agnar was one lucky wee fellow. Inside the tube was the same feature as the other, a ladder leading up and down.

John, who was standing at the threshold holding the door, moved into the room at this point. The door instantly slammed shut behind them, perhaps due to the age of this strange place more than anything else. The pair decided to check out the third tube, at which point a rock trap was sprung, which knocked the duo down into a room below. John only took a minimal amount of damage, but Agnar was leveled by the fall, which reduced him to one hit point. In the room below, the two surprised a trio of giant fire beetles, whose glowing blue glands illuminated the area around them. John quickly cast Cure Light Wounds on Agnar, and Jennifer, deciding to be extra careful again, decided to have her adventurers climb back up the central ladder to the previous tier.

However, when the duo reached the first tier, they could hear the hissing sound of gas being released from four vents in each corner of the room. Quickly closing the door behind them, John and Agnar climbed up instead of down to investigate what was above them. They found a sitting area and a long speaking tube, something akin to an ancient form of microphone. They realized they were inside the huge statue of the child figure, and John, as a man of the cloth, theorized that the speaking tube was intended for priests to use as a way of speaking to followers as the voice of a god. Despite this strange revelation, the need for food and drink was of a more pressing concern for the moment, so the duo decided to steel themselves and deal with the fire beetles below.

Arriving at the bottom of the second tier again, John and Agnar battled the hungry insects. This was Jennifer’s first real fight, and she seemed to have luck on her side. Agnar took quite the battering, getting bitten by both of the bugs that attacked him (but hey, he is a meat shield, that’s his job, right?), once again being reduced to only a minimal amount of hit points. John also took a hit, but the damage was light. Agnar was able to squish both of the beetles on him, while a collective effort from both the cleric and the dwarf finished off the third.

Tired, wounded, and thirsty, the adventurers inspected the room around them. They found two doors leading west and one leading east, a small foundry in the corner of the room, and a bunch of unknown mechanical parts. There were also a few old dusty pots in the room, which turned up a few flasks of oil, which the heroes used right there and then to light up John’s lantern. The oil was really old and burned much quicker than usual, in addition to giving off a nasty cloud of smoke in it’s wake, but it provided light regardless.

The pair went through the east door first, happening upon a hallway that went east for about forty feet, then turned to both the north and south. Along the hall was a door to the north and a door to the south. The heroes went through the south door first, happening upon the long abandoned quarters of a cleric. Although there was nothing of interest in the room, there was still a sleeping pallet to use, so the heroes spiked the door shut and decided to get some rest in order to heal their wounds. John and Agnar took turns keeping watch, although nothing eventful happening during the night (damn those failed wandering monster rolls!). When they awoke, they had recovered a few hit points, but were now in dire need of water. Gathering their equipment and relighting the lantern, the two pressed on.

In the north room they found what was apparently another cleric’s quarters. However, this one contained a huge gecko lizard, who was happily munching away on the corpse of a human… a human with strangely pale white skin and white hair. John and Agnar noted a chest in the corner of the room, so they decided to investigate as quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the meal of the gecko in front of them. The pair did not count on another gecko dropping down from the ceiling directly in front of John, which nearly made the cleric soil himself. The two giant geckos attacked, hoping for some more food to add to the morsel they already had. John and Agnar tried to fight them off, with John scoring a successful whack with his quarterstaff on one of them, but the geckos were particularly difficult to battle with. After Agnar had been badly wounded yet again, the pair decided to perform a fighting withdrawal from combat, backing away and closing the door behind them. Smart move from Jennifer, really. Her guys had no real reason to stay and fight the lizards to the death, whereas many would have blindly stayed and tried to get some experience points.

Deciding to go back into the beetle room, it is there that Jennifer uttered the great quote mentioned above. I had told her that yes, her characters were hungry and thirsty and that they needed to press on to try and find some eat and drink. She rather creatively tried to get some sort of ‘bug juice’ out of the three beetle corpses, but I ruled that the insects had been dead for too long now to do that (maybe if they hadn’t rested first, I might’ve allowed it… but I don’t even know how ‘juicy’ a giant fire beetle would be…). However, after John passed an intelligence check, he did believe a horrible yet filling meal could be made from the beetles. Jennifer opted to use the beetles only as a final, last resort, and decided to head through the north west door.

The heroes followed a winding hallway, eventually happening upon another door. They entered the room, which was much more dry than the rest of the pyramid. There they happened upon a large number of small fairy folk drinking small cups of wine and having a bit of a party on top of a bunch of crates. These sprites were having a grand old time, pretty much ignoring the PC’s as they entered. John tried to communicate with them, but the fairy folk could not understand the common tongue, nor could John or Agnar understand the fey, singsong language of the sprites. However, the two sides communicated through sign language, with the friendly sprites eventually offering both John and Agnar a cup of their wine. Although the fairy sized cups were nothing more than sips to both adventurerers, it was enough to keep them going for a while longer. Doing their best to thank the sprites and take their leave of them, John and Agnar left the room and continued on down the hall.

They came upon the end of the twisting hall, with a door to the east and a set of three pots in front of them. The first pot contained nothing but sand, the second clearly used to contain water, and the third contained a few pounds worth of fireworks (a change from the module somewhat, I ruled that the sprites had cheekily stuffed some in there). John took the fireworks, which he recognized as a priest’s tool for creating ‘miracles’ to followers. The heroes then checked the door to the east, but almost instantly closed it again when they saw the empty room was covered with a bubbling green slime across the floor.

Heading back to the infamous beetle room, the pair rested for a few minutes. I finally rolled my first wandering monster encounter of the night, and informed Jennifer that her characters heard approaching footfalls from behind the unexplored door to the southwest. Deciding to open the door before whatever was behind it got there, John and Agnar surprised a group of three goblins. Although Agnar’s dwarven blood was probably boiling for a fight at the sight of the ugly creatures, John tried to parley with the surprised trio. This of course, reminded me of the first strip in Knights of the Dinner Table featuring Sara, where she attempts to roleplay with a troll when the rest of the group is just ready to hack and slay instantly. Jennifer knows all about this, because she recently read through the first Bundle of Trouble KODT compilation.

Anyway, I rolled to see if any of the goblins understood common. One of them did, although he could only communicate back in very, very broken common himself. They communicated that they were escaped slaves simply attempting to make their way out of the pyramid. John, through both speech and mime, showed them the way out, and informed them to hold their breath when attempting to leave, in case the gas trap was still active. The pair couldn’t get any other useful information out of the goblins. However, the one they were speaking with gave them a full waterskin for their help, which John and Agnar gratefully accepted and then split between the two of them.

After the goblins left, the adventurers decided to continue their investigation of the eastern hall again. They went south until they reached the end of the hall, where a smaller, man-sized golden statue of the bearded man seen above at the top of the pyramid rested. Two doors to the west provided the heroes with more options for exploration. They went through the southern of the two doors first, and walked in on a group of six men dressed in blue tunics with iron chain mail underneath, wearing gold masks of the same bearded man.

Although they did not appear threatening to the PC’s, the apparent leader of the bunch demanded to know what the two were doing here. However, there were once again some communication problems: the dialect of common the men were using was so ancient, both John and Agnar had difficulty understanding. Using mimes again, John communicated that the pair simply wanted some food and water. The leader nodded in understanding, and mimed back that he wanted to give John one of the masks the men wore, and then beckoned John in his direction, as if he wanted the cleric to join them. John inquired about Agnar, but the leader of the masked men waved him off, as if he only wanted John. The cleric communicated that the dwarf was his companion and he would not abandon him, so a compromise was reached. The leader left the room for a moment and returned with a new gold mask for John and a gold pendant for Agnar. John was to be adopted into the group as a full member while Agnar was intended to be an associate of sorts.

Once John donned the mask, he seemed to have an easier time actually understanding what the leader was saying, perhaps due to the strangely magical helm he was wearing. The leader introduced himself as Kanadius, and spoke of how Gorm had blessed the Brotherhood with the arrival of these two outsiders. He explained to John that Gorm is an ancient god of war, storms, and justice (depicted on the left-hand statue at the top of the pyramid). Kanadius didn’t take much time to actually explain the cause of the Brotherhood of Gorm, or what he wished John to do. Instead he showed them around to the Brotherhood’s quarters and gave them a very brief glimpse into the treasure room. After feeding them and providing wine, Kanadius rushed John through an initiation ceremony in the third tier of the pyramid, which was reached through a secret hatch heading down. At the conclusion of the ceremony, John was given a lightning bolt tattoo on his shoulder with some very strange type of ink. John was uncertain if it was permanent or not, but for some reason it didn’t hurt at all.

We stopped there for the night after John’s initiation. I allowed Jennifer to read just a little bit of the background information to the module (about some of the pyramid’s history and the ruined city outside), which Kanadius would no doubt explain to John and Agnar over the coming days, while the two rest and heal their wounds. The Brotherhood also provided the pair of them with the blue tunics they wear around and new sets of iron chain mail (If they wished to wear it). Both John and Agnar took the chain mail, as it was an improvement over the studded leather both of them were currently wearing. For combat, a successful parley, successfully joining the Brotherhood, and a few creative ideas, I awarded 275 experience points to each character (which was 283 for John after his XP bonus was taken into account). It might seem a little generous, but there’s only two of them, I want to give them a good chance of moving up in levels.

Eagle eyes will note a few of the changes I made from the published module. Notably the fact that John was admitted into the Brotherhood. Only lawful fighters, dwarves, halflings, and elves are permitted in the module, but I ruled that a lawful cleric should be permitted entry too. There are a few other things too — the goblins on the wandering monster chart are supposed to be seven strong, but I reduced it to only three so as not to completely overwhelm the two heroes (at least… not yet!). There are a couple of other instances where I reduced or changed a piece or two here and there. Nothing too crazy though.

Overall, I think Jennifer had a good time with it. She seemed to really get into imagining that she, or rather John, was actually there inside of an ancient pyramid. She wasn’t too put off by all the strange happenings either, which I was grateful for. Half the fun of this module is unravelling just what the hell is going on inside the various tiers of the pyramid, and ultimately, in the lost city below. She also had good fun actually rolling the dice; having the tools for your character’s success or failure physically in your hands is always more satisfying than simply having an online dice generator do it for you.

I hope we get a chance to play again and continue the adventures of John the cleric and Agnar the dwarf sometime soon.